Dear Ice Cube Tray

Dear Ice Cube Tray,

Recently you've been giving me some problems and I want some answers. First of all, why do you make me work so hard to get ALL of the ice cubes out? Generally I can get an easy nine or ten cubes to release perfectly with simply a gentle twist of your body, but there's usually a few that won't come out so quietly. I will -at this point- give you a second, more convincing twist and you will then release all but that one cube. That one little ice cube near the end… that final piece to the proverbial puzzle. For what reason do you ALWAYS make me twist and slam and bang you around to get that one last cube??? You must know that I have this crippling OCD need to extract all twelve cubes before I can refill you with water. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??? I have studied all of your little chambers, inside and out and have found no reason why all twelve cubes can't be released AT THE SAME TIME!!! I've also tried washing you with dish soap, refilling you with hot water, placing you in different areas of the freezer…. nothing works…. YA SUCK!!!

Then there are those times I pull you from the freezer, give you a twist and all of the cubes shatter into hundreds of little shards…. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT??? Don't you dare try to tell me that it’s the freezer either; I don’t have any problems with the other two ice trays and you know it.

Consider this letter your final notice. The very next time that you refuse to give-up EVERY ice cube (in its entirety), you will be terminated. I will have no problem finding your replacement while you're "chillin" in the trash can.

Sleep well tonight…. I know I will,

Nate

dear lidless tupperware container

Dear Lidless Tupperware Container:

I hate you. With every fiber in my being, I hate you. I don’t know how you do it, I don’t even want to know how you do it, but EVERY time I open the stupid cabinet door to where you live, you jump out and land on my head. How do you do that?? Why do you do that?? Is that fun for you?? Do you get some kind of sick kick out of that?? You know that I don’t want you to land on the floor, so I always go to some extreme aerobic measures just to catch you each time. Why do I try?? Better yet, why do I keep you? You aren’t even functional. You don’t have a lid. I think you take advantage of my distorted thinking and frugalness. I think maybe one day I’ll find your mysterious partner and you can be used again. And sometimes I think maybe I could just use foil or saran wrap to seal something up in you so that you could be of good use one day. But you know that deep down inside I am just way too cheap to throw your plastic butt away.What’s crazy is that you aren’t a real Tupperware container to begin with. You are just some container that Kroger used to package its lunchmeat. You’re a wanna be. A poser. Yet I keep you like you are something special, and this is the thanks I get?? You know what? Jump on me again, see what happens. Go ahead, dive bomb me. Do it one more time and I’m done with you. You will hit the floor, my friend, then to the trash can. Oh yeah, . . . . go ahead, jump.

Sincerely,

Matt