dear child's toy package

Dear Child’s Toy Package,

Really?? . . . Are you kidding me?? . . . Think maybe you take your job a little too serious?? I do. And I realize I can’t speak for everyone else on the planet, but I got a pretty good idea that most of us are all on the same page about you. You need to take it down a notch or two. Relax a little. Chill.

Keep in mind, nobody WANTS you. We want the toy that you are packaging. And I get it, you two go together, thus the phrase, “a packaged deal”. I understand that. Also I realize that you perform a necessary service. Toy manufacturers can’t just simply throw a Mr. Potato Head and all his accessories arbitrarily in some cardboard box and expect the customer to be pleased with the product when it is opened. Things need to be secured. They need to be fastened down. Listen, I feel we all can agree on this point, no one is upset at WHAT you do. You are vital and essential. You are extremely appreciated.

The struggle we have with you is HOW you are doing your job. It should not take 3 people and 2 tools to free Malibu Barbie from her cardboard torture chamber that you call “standard packaging”. A college degree or a skilled trade background should not be required to open a toy for your child. Are you even aware of frustrating position that you put us all in?? Let me explain: child opens present, see’s toy, tries to get at it but can’t - because of you, gives it to the nearest adult or two to open because the child now feels like he/she should have been playing with this toy 5 minutes ago and will now stand beside you impatiently and urge you to open it faster. Now, I have to get through all the plastic, postal tape, wire banding, staples (and I think barbed wire is used as well) all before my 2 year old daughter has a meltdown of epic proportions. Usually, this process takes way to long, the child gets bored from waiting for the toy, grabs the box (which was easy enough to open, at least) and then spends the next 3 hours playing with cardboard instead the $29.99 toy that she had to have. I blame you.

Just do your job. Don’t go crazy with it . . . just . . . just do your job. Keep it simple. Back it up a little. Find a balance we all can agree on. Just, please, . . . please make it easier. Thank you.

Hopefully Putting Away The Needle Nose Pliers And Steak Knife,

Matt