dear wobbly-wheeled shopping cart

Dear Wobbly-wheeled Shopping Cart,
Please stop stalking me! You can try and deny it all you want, but we both know you are. How else can you explain the fact that every time I go to the grocery store, I end up with you? I swear you must see me coming and push the other carts out of the way to get to the front of the cart line. I don't realize its you at first, but once I've wrapped my hands around your guide bar and pushed you 15 feet, you show your true colors. Like a very clever predator, you wait until the automatic doors have closed behind me, then you start your demented little dance that torments me so. By then it's too late to turn back, so I am stuck with you the entire journey from deli market to checkout. Very clever indeed.
I know that you are stalking me, because today you magically appeared at Wal-Mart and at Target yesterday. How do you always know where I will be and when? Did you strike a deal with the pre paid cell phones and somehow tap my line? Better still, how on earth do you make it to the next stop on my agenda before I do? It IS a 20 minute drive after all!
I do feel however that I owe you a thank you. After all, had it not been for your constant drifting to the left, I'd have never stumbled across that sweet Ohio State hat for $10 that was misplaced in the jewelry department. Now don't go thinking that makes us friends. Be very clear, we are not. I want nothing to do with you ever again. In fact, the next time you force your misguided, uncontrollable, wobbly-wheeled self into my hands, I will toss you in the back of my Jeep and throw you into the first large body of water I drive by. Go torment someone else and leave me and my family to shop like normal people, instead of going where you want to go.

Hoping this is the end (and wearing a really cool hat),
Jason