toilet bowl plunger

Dear Toilet Bowl Plunger,

How do you do it?? Seriously, I want to know, how do you do it??? I need to know, I have so much to learn from you. As I write this, I fail to comprehend the depths of your dedication, the vastness of your commitment to us as mere house dwellers. You are like a soldier and then some. I am in awe of you.

First I need to start by apologizing. I need to say I am sorry for all the countless times I have walked into the bathroom and not even acknowledged you. I looked right past you like you don’t even exist. I see you every single day and yet I act as if you are not even there. Yet there you stand, right over there in the corner by the commode, ready to go into battle, ready to be called into action, ready to be there for me if needed . . . . and I can’t even say, “Hi.” I am so sorry. You deserve so much more.

And sure enough, you knew the day would come. . . . I needed you. Like a fool, I over did it on a recent trip to White Castles, a few too many sliders . . . . bada bing, bada boom . . . . I developed intestinal issues and let’s just say I needed your services, and I needed them bad, real bad. And what did you do?? Did you remind me of all the times I was not there for you? Recall all the moments I ignored you?? Tell me how insignificant I made you feel over the months since I needed you last?? Did you mention how hurt you felt when my wife put that decorative doily on you to try and cover you up and make you even more unnoticeable?? NOT AT ALL!!! You stepped up and did what you were created to do, and did it well, might I add. You were fantastic, amazing. You truly go where no man has gone before. You do what no one else has the courage to do. I can’t do it. I would throw up and you know that. And yet you continue to be there and help me out of every plumbing related crisis that I find myself in. God bless you toilet bowl plunger and thank you, thank you for just being you.

Still Flushing,

Matt